British are Idiots Sam!
by victorwebsterx
Summary: Sam takes Dean to a different choice of resturant. Bit of fun. Go on, you know you want to read it. Go on.


**Here's a one shot. I wrote it while taking a break from my other stories. I hope you enjoy. To all English readers I mean no offence. I am British myself, a Londoner. To all American readers I mean no offence.**

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**" Dude are you sure you want to eat here?" Dean looks through the windscreen of the Impala.**

**Sam rolls his eye's and opens his door." For the twelfth million time Dean yes. Come on it'll be fun." Sam stands from the car and shuts the door.**

**Following Sam Dean walks to the front of the car and looks at the restaurant. " There's a nice burger bar down the road. That sounds good." Dean looks at Sam. " American food Sam."**

**Sam laughs and walks away." Just because it's different doesn't mean it's not nice Dean. Just try it." Sam stops at the restaurant door and turns to Dean." Are you coming or are you going to stand there and starve?"**

**" Saaaaaaaaam." Moving next to Sam Dean puts his hands in his pockets." It's a British Resturant. It's gonna be all fluffy and deinty."**

**" Did you just say fluffy?" Sam ducks Deans hand aiming for his head." Please?" Sam pulls out the puppy eye's and small pout." Please?"**

**Dean glares at Sam and throws his arms in the air." Fine. Where in the hell did you get that look. Cos I swear I didn't teach you that."**

**" Nah you just taught me about Nair products." Sam opens the door and gestures Dean in " Move it fluffy."**

**" Shut up Bitch."**

**" Make me jerk."**

**Dean steps into the restaurant and looks around. It's half full and there's about five empty tables on the left. He points to the one at the back." There." Without waiting for Sam he walks over and sits.**

**Sam smiles and shakes his head. Sitting opposite Dean Sam picks up one of the menu's and opens it up.**

**" Hello kids. What can I getcha.?" A man aged about fifty stands at the end of the table.**

**Dean rolls his eye's at Sam before facing the man." Uh two coffee's for now."**

**" Okey dokey. I'll get them and you look at the menu." The man walks away.**

**" Dean stop it." Sam stares at Dean.**

**" Stop what?" Dean turns in the seat, pulling one knee onto the seat.**

**Laying the menu on the table Sam sighs." You're muttering under your breath."**

**" Am not."**

**"Are too."**

**" Am not."**

**" Are too."**

Dean lifts the menu up and opens it out." Why do English people talk like that?"

**" Like what?"**

**Dean waves a hand at the waiter." All la de da de."**

**Sam closes his eye's then opens them." They do not. He probably thinks your language is weird. Just please behave."**

**Dean looks at Sam then around the restaurant. He looks back at Sam." Fine but if he brings my coffee back in a fine china cup it's going out the window."**

**" Here ya go." The old waiter places two mugs of coffee on the table. " I'll be back in two ticks fellas."**

**" Two ticks fellas." Dean mumbles as he looks at the menu.**

**" Jesus." Sam looks at his menu." I'll think i'll have the pie and mash."**

**" Pie is with fries not mash." Dean doesn't look away from his menu." What the hell is boiled beef and carrots?"**

**" Exactly what it says Dean." Sam looks over the top of his menu." Just pick something."**

**Dean grumbles and mimics Sam. " They put alcohol on your pie Sammy. Wanna get drunk?"**

**" It's just a sauce. No alcohol."**

**" Why is it called liquor then?"**

**" I dunno."**

**" Fish and chips?"**

**" Pick something."**

**" Sausage onions and mash with onion gravy?"**

**" Dean?"**

**" Yorksh... Yorkshi..."**

**" Yorkshire pudding."**

**" Why would you put a pudding in the main meal. Jesus Sam they're idiots."**

**Sam drops his menu." I never realised before."**

**" What that the English are idiots?"**

**" No that you're mentally retarded."**

**" Hardy ha." Dean kicks Sam's leg under the table." What's a ploughman's?"**

**" It tells you underneath."**

**" Where's the burgers and fries?"**

**" Next page."**

**" So what can I get you fellas." The old waiter pulls a pad and pen from his pocket.**

**Sam lays the menu down." I'll have the pie and mash please."**

**" Great choice. And you?" He turns to Dean.**

**" Burger."**

**" Would you like chips with that?"**

**Dean looks at Sam then at the waiter." Just fries."**

**" Okay. One pie and mash and one burger and chips."**

**Dean squints at the man." Not chips, fries."**

**" Dean." Sam taps the table and smiles at the waiter before glaring ta Dean." Chips are fries."**

**" Yeah right." Dean scoffs and stares at the waiter and speaks slow." Buuuurrrrgggeeeerrrr aaaaannnnnddddd fffffrrrrrriiiiieeeeessssss."**

**The old man frowns at Dean then shakes his head." Be right back fella's." He takes a step away before turning around." Do you want gherkin?"**

**" Do I want a what?" Dean leans back startled.**

**" Gherkin on ya burger fella."**

**Sam laughs at Deans face." Pickle Dean. Gherkin is a pickle."**

**" Why don't he just say it then." Blowing out a breath Dean smiles at the man." Pickles good."**

**" Okey dokey." The old man walks over to the kitchen.**

**Dean turns in his seat to stare at Sam." Told you. English are idiots. Chips, fries, gher...gherk..."**

**" Gherkin."**

**" Yeah that, pickle man. It's pickle." Dean's fingers pick at the menu. He laughs at the name on the menu." Cockney Feast." He wiggles his eyebrows at Sam." Sounds gay."**

**Sam rolls his eye's and picks up his coffee. "It's what they call people in East London in England Dean. They are known as cockney's."**

**" Gay." Dean lets go of the menu and picks up his own coffee. " Why do you know this crap?"**

**Sam sips at his coffee before answering. " It's called reading." He smirks at Dean's eye roll. " You should try it some time." Sam looks up as the old waiter runs over to another table.**

**" Sorry mate. If you want to have a fag you have to go outside ." The guy at the table stands up ,nods and walks out of the restaurant.**

**Dean gags and spits out his coffee. He stares wide eyed at Sam." Told you gay!"**

**" No it's not Dean."**

**Dean ducks his head to whisper to Sam." He just said to go outside for a fag!"**

**Sam drops his head to the table and rolls it side to side. He lifts it up slightly to look at Dean." Cigarette Dean. Fag is what the English call a cigarette."**

**" Why don't he just say that then." Dean moves back as his food lands infront of him. " Thank you." He looks at his burger and chips. " What's this?" Dean points to the green on his plate.**

**The old man shrugs at him." It's mushy peas mate. Here ya go young man." He passes Sam his meal." Enjoy."**

**" Thank you." Sam smiles at the waiter as he walks away. Turning to face Dean Sam laughs at Deans utter shocked face." It's not going to kill you Dean.**

**" Peas Sam." He pokes them with his fork." Not just peas but mushy ones Sam." Dean pokes them some more. " I'll say it again British people are idi..."**

**" If you shut up and eat I promise you i'll buy you the biggest piece of pie I can pie covered in chocolate sauce." Sam digs into his pie." Eat Dean."**

**Dean's nose scrunches up." Dude you got green snot on your plate."**

**Sam groans and scoops up some mash and swirls it in the liqueur. " Uh huh it's special grown runny snot. Want some." Sam holds up his fork to Dean.**

**" Don't be so gross Sam."**

**" That sounds so weird coming from your mouth."**

**" How can you eat that?"**

**Sam puts the fork near his mouth." Like this ." He puts the food in his mouth." MMMMMMMM so good."**

**Pulling a face Dean looks at his own food. He lifts of the top bun. " Is this the gherr...?"**

**" Gherkin and yes, it's excatly the same." Sam cuts into his pie and carry's on eating.**

**Putting the top bun down Dean picks up his burger and takes a bite. Chewing and swallowing Dean makes 'mmmmm' noises." It's good Sammy."**

**" Told you."**

**" Whatever." Dean continues to eat the burger and chips. " How's the snot?"**

**Sam picks up a spoon and scoops some of the liqueur up." Try some Dean."**

**" No."**

**" Go on."**

**" Get a life."**

**" Are you scared?"**

**" Don't be stupid."**

**" Dean Winchester is scared. Oooooh." Sam shakes the spoon in his hand.**

**Dean takes the spoon and holds his nose as he puts it in his mouth. He swallows quickly. Licking his lips he nods." It's okay."**

**Sam laughs and finishes up his meal. He rubs his stomach." That was good man."**

**Dean dips his last chip in the ketchup and throws it in his mouth." It was okay."**

**" Admit it. You liked it."**

**" It was fine."**

**Sam laughs and calls the waiter over." Can we have the desert menu please?"**

**" Sure thing fellas." The old waiter takes away their plates and returns with the menus. " Call me when ya ready."**

**Sam looks to menu over. "Oooh sounds so good."**

**Dean grabs the menu and reads." Spotted Dick." His nose scrunches up." Bread and butter pudding." It scrunches up more, " Scones and cream with Tea." He sticks his tongue out. " Ugh."**

**Sam blows out a long breath. " Just choose something."**

**Dean shakes his head. " What are these people on? For christ sake Spotted Dick Sam. Why would they call food that?"**

**Sam takes the menu back." Chocolate cake. Get that and shut up." Sam calls the waiter over." Can we have the chocolate cake and the Scones please?"**

**" Sure thing fellas." The old waiter walks away.**

**" If he calls me fella one more time i'll throw holy water at him." Dean leans back in his chair and jumps when the man comes back.**

**The old man smiles at them." Got a special today if you fellas wanna try it. Quite a popular dish back in old London."**

**Dean looks up at him. " Yeah what's that?"**

**" Jellied eels." The old waiter looks to Dean." You okay fella?"**

**Dean mouths to Sam ' Eels in Jelly?**

**" It not that jelly. It's like jello."**

**Dean shivers. "Why?"**

**Sam laughs. " It's a traditional dish Dean."**

**Dean kicks Sam under the table again and misses." I prefer my jello in shot glasses thanks. Ahhhh purple nurples." He smiles to himself.**

**" Okay. How about some muscles, or cockles or...you sure he's okay?" The old waiter turns to Sam.**

**" He's fine." Sam smiles at Dean's smile." Just desert , thank you." Sam shakes his head and laughs at Dean as the waiter leaves.**

**Dean swallows." We need to go Sam."**

**" Why?"**

**" Cos the British are weird and idiotic that's why."**

**Sam holds his ribs as he laughs." I'll buy you a Happy meal later."**

**Dean grunts and then smiles as a large piece of chocolate cake lands on the table infront of him. " Now that's food."**

**Sam accepts his scone and tea." Thank you."**

**" Just call me when you two chaps are finished." He walks away.**

**They finish their desserts and pays for the bill. Both head towards the car.**

**" Hang on Sam." Dean stops walking." Need to go to the John." He tosses the car keys to Sam." Be back in a minuet."**

**" Okay."**

**Dean walks back into the restaurant. He looks out the door to make sure Sam's in the car. He gestures to the waiter." That green liqueur stuff. Can I get some to go."**

**...**

**I hope you enjoyed that. Now if any ones interested in my point of view. Do a Dean and don't touch the jellied eels. Ugh. Every family party I go to there's pots of them and UHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!. **


End file.
